


Nosebleed Sanctuary

by TheGhostofGeorgeWashington



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Drug Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Football, Foster Care, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Injury Recovery, M/M, Nart Party, Non-Linear Narrative, Party Games, Partying, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Uchiha Sasuke, Recreational Drug Use, Rehabilitation, Skateboarding, Slow Burn, high school nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-07-24 19:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20020021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGhostofGeorgeWashington/pseuds/TheGhostofGeorgeWashington
Summary: The joy that came over him made his hands go numb. He saw Sasuke’s face come into view and on some other distant planet his team tackled him. His mind was a thousand miles away, the world spinning in fuzzy slow motion, as he was lifted off the ground and up onto Choji’s strong shoulders - the whole world danced under his feet and for the first time in his life he was above them, he was the cause of their smiles and their joy. The sound of their screams fell far into the background. Their faces became blurs, unrecognizable in the triumphant sea of teens. In the moment he had never felt more alive.--A story about addiction and recovery told through snippets of the life of a boy on the run





	1. Death

**Author's Note:**

> yes, I am writing Naruto fanfiction now...so. don't yell at me.
> 
> This story is an experiment in non-linear storytelling, which basically means the chapters are out of order, sort of. Each chapter is a different snapshot from a single plot line, giving and taking context as it goes along - so if you're into trying to piece together stories as you read them this'll be fun for you. Ya'll have to tell me if the story works as the chapters go on though, like I said this is a total experiment so we'll see how it turns out.

“Come on Sasuke, it’ll be fun!” Naruto whined from the other side of the couch. Sasuke refused to look over, eyes glued to the video game he was consumed with. “You don’t have to drink or anything, you can just come and have fun.” 

Sasuke really didn’t want to grace Naruto with any kind of a response. Today was Friday, it was the last day of school before fall break of their senior year. The beginning of a near perfect fall day waited for them, a low hanging chill in the stagnant air, leaves dusting the ground, bare skeleton trees and old dead grass, and Naruto was trying to bully his long time friend into going to a stupid party with him. The kind of party that almost always had the police called on, at least one person was sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, another for some sort of tomfoolery-based injury.

Sasuke almost never went, not just because he didn’t particular care for the high energy, low brain usage environment, but also because he couldn’t stand Naruto leaving him behind. Every time Naruto went to one of those parties, he turned into a person Sasuke was only partially familiar with - Naruto was normally a pretty calm if not a bit hyperactive person, but when he went to those parties he lost all sense of friendship and connection to his peers, he simply became the party. Shikamaru stopped going with him their sophomore year, most of their friends went but never with him. They slowly realized that he didn’t go there for them.

“I don’t want to.” Sasuke mumbled, flopping back on his dirty couch as he died for the forth time in the damn game. 

“Please!” Naruto begged. He tucked his feet under himself and was curled up comfortably leaning on the arm of the couch, his phone in one hand, waiting for Sasuke to say yes so he could send out that text. “Look we’ll be together the whole time and it’ll be so much fun! I always have fun!” 

Sasuke sighed and stood, ignoring the incessant begging and wandered into the kitchen to make himself breakfast before they had to leave for school. Naruto just wanted Sasuke to go because people liked Sasuke, at least that's what he theorized, and him being there would be like on universal wing-man for every guy in their school to try and cash out on the girls who went just to see him and would have to settle when he ignored them. From experience he doubted Naruto actually wanted him there to enjoy his gloomy and no-fun-allowed demeanor.

“You have fun because that thing you call a brain thrives off those parties as ADHD nightmare fuel.” Sasuke made Naruto a bagel and threw it at him. He caught it effortlessly. “I like it better when you and Shikamaru hang out.” 

“You really like Shikamaru.” Naruto commented, standing and trotting over to the kitchen where he began to scour Sasuke’s fridge for something to drink. 

“He actually has an ounce of sense in his head.” Sasuke said. “Unlike you.” 

“Thats mean.” Naruto pouted back, filling his water bottle with orange juice from Sasuke’s fridge. Sasuke gave him a light slap on the back of the head and Naruto offered him a cheeky grin in return. 

Naruto set his food down and ventured further into the apartment in the direction of the bathroom, his head in his phone. As soon as he was out of sight Sasuke pulled out his own phone and shot Shikamaru a short text, alerting him about the possible carnage the two of them would be responsible for that night. In the same moment he got a text from Sakura asking him if he was going to the “NartParty” as their small group had started calling it. Naruto was never the actual host of the party, but by junior year no one considered it a true party until "The Nart" showed up. Sasuke absolutely despised the nickname. He wondered if Naruto ever felt pressure to be act like a hyperactive maniac in order to keep his reputation up or if that was just the way he was. He knew Naruto never liked to breach those kinds of conversations.

_I’m not going either_. Shikamaru texted back. _I’m not taking him to the hospital this time_. 

Sasuke sighed, so the duties fell to him yet again. He walked passed the closed bathroom door and passed Itachi’s room, a disaster mess thanks to Naruto’s influence. Quickly he threw his books into one bag and his football gear into another.

Naruto appeared in his bedroom door, munching on a brownie. 

“Where’d you get that?” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto shrugged, eyes turned to the ground. “Made it.” He swallowed the rest in one bite.

“When?” Sasuke pushed. 

Naruto gave him an offended grimace “Uh, last night?” Sasuke squinted at him and Naruto rolled his eyes. “I gotta go get something from my place, I’ll meet you out front.” 

With that he vanished, leaving Sasuke with the sound of him opening but not closing their front door. Sasuke threw his stuff onto the couch and poured himself a cup of coffee before heading out to the front steps of their apartment complex, sitting on the curb, staring aimlessly at the old decrepit house that sat on a vacant plot across the street. He swore up and down he saw people moving around inside, lights on in the middle of the nights, but everyone around him chalked it up to paranoia. Sasuke wasn’t paranoid though, he was rational and calm, and even as he grew he never let go of that thought that someone was inside, living a life out of the corner of everyone’s eyes. 

Naruto came up behind him, nudging his back with his knee. He was eating another brownie. They walked in the direction of school like they always did, walking side by side in comfortable silence.

“Where is your gym bag?” Sasuke asked. Naruto was only carrying his backpack and his water bottle and that damned second brownie. 

“Left it at school.” He certainly didn’t, but Sasuke didn’t care enough to press, just as long as he showed up for practice that was all that mattered. 

Entering school was a hazard on days before parties. Every bitch and their brother wanted to catch Naruto’s eye, just so that they made sure he knew that they would be there tonight, reassuring themselves he would show up so that had a reason to as well. Sasuke found it beyond obnoxious, it was bad enough when he was popular in middle school but Naruto being popular was just weird. Everyone was lucky he didn’t let it go to his head, instead he got weird and quiet and gave polite smiles and nods to strangers and elaborate handshakes to his friends, not letting Sasuke fall behind him even for a moment. Naruto loved praise, but he got all sorts of awkward when he got put on the spot - sober that is. He functioned better when he thought no one was watching him.

They met Shikamaru and Choji at their lockers, chatting. Naruto stared blankly off into space down the hallway crowded with stinky teenagers, barely saying a word. He looked on the verge of sleep.

Sakura and Ino came barreling down the hallway screaming about something they had gotten into an argument about the night before, disturbing everyone’s peace. The six of them wandered down the hallways to their first class, taking up too much space, causing nervous freshmen and angry sophomores to mumble around them. Naruto faded to the back of the group, walking slowly, leaning back, his eyes completely unfocused. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a baggie full of fruit snacks and started munching on them absently. Choji tried to steal and few and Naruto slapped his wrist uncharacteristically hard, giving them all a dirty look before speeding up to the front of the group, walking with his back to them.

Naruto spent the entirety of their first class bouncing his leg, checking the clock, bouncing his leg more, and drawing incessant scribbles into the margins of his notebooks. He checked the clock again and looked at Sasuke, sticking his tongue out at him. Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked back at the board, catching Iruka’s displeased and suspicious glare. He looked at Naruto, who was glued to whatever he was doing in his notebook. The silence lasted a little longer than made Sasuke comfortable but his counterpart didn’t seem to notice.

When the bell rang Naruto scrambled to gather his books in hand, not bothering to put them in his unzipped backpack, and he ran out of the room loudly, leaving Sasuke and Shikamaru standing next to each other in the dust, both sporting the same nervous look.

Naruto showed up twenty minutes late for his second class, his eyes red. He sat down next to Sasuke like he always did.

Naruto showed up thirty minutes late for his third class, with a tardy note and a look of defeat on his face. He sat down next to Sasuke but didn’t take out any of his books, he hugged his backpack resting his chin over the top. He looked over at Sasuke and reached his hand out, tapping his leg. He flayed his fingers out, and Sasuke took his hand reluctantly, not wanting to face his pouting. They secretly held hands all class, their desks scooting closer together ever minute until their knees touched. Naruto’s hand was shaking.

They got separated in the hallway when Naruto mumbled that he needed to use the bathroom. Sasuke saw him coming out as he went into his next class, he was wiping blood from his nose, and he walked in the opposite direction from the classroom.

At lunch, Sasuke went to his circular table in the corner of the lunch room as he always did, joining Shikamaru and Choji, Sakura and Ino who were now giving each other silent treatment, and Kiba who was talking the ear off Shino who was definitely asleep under his glasses.

Naruto never showed up.

“Don’t you think it’s strange?” Sasuke asked Shikamaru when they breached the topic of practice. “This is the third week in a row he hasn’t been at lunch and he’s been skipping practice.”

Shikamaru rubbed his face. “He’s just going through a bit of a slump, you know? He was like this last year too.”

“Yeah but last year he never skipped out on practice.” Choji commented through a mouthful of chips.

“That’s true.” Shino pipped up through a yawn. He took his glasses off to clean them on his shirt, Kiba looked offended that he hadn’t been listening. Shino’s eyes were red. He picked up his food and left for the patio.

Naruto didn’t, actually, show up for practice. Sasuke was standing by the bench staring at his teammates running around and waiting waiting waiting for Naruto to show up, come jogging out of the locker room with a sly grin but he never did. Eventually coach called him over with a whistle.

Yamato got way too close to Sasuke, leaning in to stare as intently into his eyes as he could, that deadly serious wide-eyed look always made him slightly uneasy.

“Where is Naruto?” He asked, accusingly, as if it was Sasuke’s fault he wasn’t here.

“I don’t know.” Sasuke retorted, looking back to the gym doors again. Nothing.

Yamato put his hand on his hips and took and deep breath in, then out again, looking over the field and the other players. He shook his head.

“We can’t wait for him any longer.” He said, blowing into his whistle. The team gathered around him and reluctantly Sasuke joined them.

Upon walking back into his apartment Sasuke was greeted by two things he didn’t want. The first was the intense smell of weed and a thin haze of smoke floating aimlessly around the apartment. The second was his brother, still in his pajamas, and Naruto, sitting on the couch next to him, both of them locked in a pvp battle on the ps4 and both quite obviously stoned and climbing higher. In the moment Sasuke has never been madder at anyone in his entire life. At his friend for skipping out and at his brother for so clearly letting it happen. He wanted to strangle Naruto with his bare hands and Naruto probably knew that.

Sasuke dropped his bags by the door and Naruto looked up at him. His eyes were low, huge dark circles hung beneath them, he looked paler than usual. His hair was tousled everywhere, his black shirt was filthier than it had been that morning and the black cargo pants he wore nearly everyday had a brand new hole above the knee. It had only been a couple hours and Naruto had gone from a normal high school ruffian to looking completely disheveled. Naruto gave Sasuke a weak, pleading grin - the look begging him not to start anything. Sasuke closed his eyes and composed himself before walking over to the couch and snatching a half smoked joint out of his brothers’ hand, lifting it and taking a deep inhale. He opened the sliding doors a crack and then squeezed around Naruto to take a seat between the two morons. He offered the joint back to his brother.

“Why weren’t you at practice?” Sasuke asked. He could hold back from the shouting session he desired but he had to ask at least one thing.

Naruto shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling very well.” His voice sounded gritty. “All those people, it was getting to me a little bit.”

Sasuke scoffed. “Yet you’re going to an enormous party later.”

“Yeah that’s different.” Naruto’s grip on the controller was turning his knuckles white.

Sasuke was beginning to become irritated. “How the fuck is that any different? Cause you’re too drunk to - “

Itachi nudged his brother rather hard with his elbow, giving Sasuke a warning glance. Sasuke didn’t finish his sentence, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms. Itachi offered the joint back to him but he shook his head. Naruto took it, his hands still shaking.

They stayed like that for a couple hours, until Itachi left for his night shift. Sasuke took his place in the game and he and Naruto played in silence until Naruto’s foster parents texted him over for dinner. He left and Sasuke fell asleep on the couch watching MTV and attempting to get a start on the reading for break. When he woke up it was dark out and Naruto was in his kitchen, pregaming on vodka and sharing a pipe with Shikamaru. Sasuke lifted his head off the couch and saw the two uninvited guests to his apartment and felt the agitation sinking deeper into his skin. Of course Naruto was welcome whenever he wanted to be but lately he had been taking too many liberties about what he did with that welcome. Shikamaru made eye contact with Sasuke and shrugged a subtle apology, it didn’t seem like he had much of a choice in the matter.

Sasuke yawned and Naruto looked over at him, a huge smile spread across his face.

“Sasuke!” He yelled. “Come do shots with us.”

“No way.” He grumbled, going into the kitchen anyways. There was a pipe smoking between the two of them and a half drunk bottle of vodka and three shot glasses and alcohol spilled all over his counter top. “I though you weren’t going tonight.”

“I’m not.” Shikamaru responded. “I want to get high but I don’t want to go to that shit show.”

“Shikamaru is just being a sourpuss.” Naruto teased, shoving his friend lightly.

“I just don’t want to be around that many people drunk and high.” He responded by shoving Naruto hard enough that he fell into Sasuke.

“Whatever, nerd.” Naruto said, filling up three shot glasses.

“I’m not - “ Sasuke's protests were interrupted.

“Just one, Sasuke, please?” Naruto begged, clasping his hands together. “You’re not gonna come I know but at least have a little fun?”

“Fine.” Sasuke said, shoving the shot back before he could be goaded into any of Naruto’s strange rituals.

Naruto and Shikamaru followed suit and Naruto let out an annoying yell before strutting off into Sasuke’s room announcing that he was getting changed.

“I’m worried about him.” Shikamaru said before Sasuke could. “I don’t like that he’s skipping so much practice, he’s supposed to be our star quarter back. He’s gonna loose out on getting scouted for college.”

Sasuke response was cut off by Naruto strutting back into the room doing ridiculous poses to show off his outfit. He wore a mesh shirt and refused to take off those stupid cargo pants, a puffy orange 80’s style jacket, sunglasses, an iridescent fanny pack, and disgustingly orange Nike’s. He twirled around and gave them various dance moves neither wanted to see.

“How do I look?”

“Like a traffic cone.” “Horrible.” They said in unison.

Naruto winked, rounding the kitchen divider for another shot.

“You’re not driving, right?” Sasuke critiqued as Naruto loaded the remainder of his weed and his pipe into the fanny pack, storing the vodka back in the fridge.

“Course not.” He responded, dancing to the door and snatching his skateboard up off the ground, doing a little jig with it while grabbing his keys off the hook.

“Be careful.” Shikamaru requested.

Naruto shot them both a thumbs up and slammed the door behind him. The sound of him throwing his skateboard to the ground and fumbling with it was audible from outside the apartment. Sasuke walked to the sliding door and watched him come around the sidewalk and shoot off into the night. He waited a little longer than he should have after Naruto disappeared from sight, hoping he would changed his mind and the three of them could just enjoy a nice boys night in or something equally dumb and boring like they used to.

Shikamaru didn’t stay, he quickly excused himself and left Sasuke alone in the apartment, sitting on the couch, staring at the dead TV, hoping Naruto would come home in his own volition. Of course he didn’t, and Sasuke fell asleep on hope and woke several hours later to his brother coming home from work. He unintentionally slammed the door behind him and offered a barely audible apology, dropping things as he trudged into his bedroom.

Sasuke flopped onto his back and checked his phone. Eight missed calls and four texts from Shikamaru, two from Sakura, several snapchats from Naruto he didn’t even want to look at. He scrolled passed the earliest notifications to the ones Shikamaru had sent him about twenty minutes ago and read along a story unfolding.

[12:38 AM] - _Naruto sent me a worrying Snapchat I’m gonna go check on him_

[12:45 AM] - _Ino texted me and told me not to go, not listening to her of course_

[1:15 AM] - _I think you might end up needing to come get him_

[1:30 AM] - _Sasuke you need to come get him before he gets arrested or worse._

Two from Sakura

[12:00 AM] - _Lmao sasuke you’re missing out on this party you should get your stupid ass over here before the cosp show up_

[1:20] - _Nevermind we leaving_

Only one out of the eight calls had a voicemail attached, it was the first one.

_“Sasuke I’m outside the party right now and I can smell burnt plastic and Novocain.”_ There was a mumbled splash and some yelling in the background. “ _I can’t find Naruto but I haven’t gone inside yet. There are so many people here I can see bodies pressed up against the windows. There’s a bunch of cars parked out front and they’re definitely not just high schoolers here, dude. This is such a drag, I think you need to come down and see for yourself. Naruto won’t listen to me but he’ll listen to you and you need to get him out of here before someone gets hurt.”_

Sasuke grabbed itachi’s car keys and was out the door in a flash, not bothering to lock anything at all. He considered for just a moment knocking on Naruto’s foster parents door but very quickly decided against it, knowing they would blow up if they knew Naruto was even in the general area of underaged drinking let alone some of the other shit Sasuke had to witness the blonde dumbass do before.

He drove way over the speed limit to get to the richer neighborhood where the party was being held. It only took him ten minutes to get there but he knew the route and the stupid house by heart. It was an old house, from the time of space age looking buildings and nice lawns and a lot of weird landscaping and huge decks with bigger pools out back. He did a quick drive by and was witness to what must have been forty cars parked in the driveway and the street around it, some people hanging out by their cars, people obviously many years over eighteen. Some people crowded the front lawn and spilled out of the house. He could see people on the roof in the back jumping into the pool. from the outside it didn’t look like anything more than an insanely overcrowded party but it was nothing like what this party usually was. Maybe a hundred people came on a regular basis, and only a couple people there weren’t from their school, but as Sasuke passed a particular gaggle of people lounging outside their car he could tell this time was worse than drunk teenagers . There were adults, people Sasuke could tell were bad news, talking to teenage girls and handing out little baggies to people on the front lawn. Sasuke made the wise decision to park a few blocks away, so that no one saw his car or him getting out of it.

The fast walk to the house was filled with anxiety that only got worse and worse with every step. When he reached the edge of the lawn he could hear Tainted Love blasting over the speakers. Purple and green and blue lights flickered and flashed across the old walls flashing out the windows across the lawn and neighboring houses. Sasuke squeezed through the front door, people crowded the front room, a beer pong table was crushed on the ground to his left, a couch overturned with a person dancing on top to his right. Even just getting in the door was a struggle there were so many people, taking up every possible breathing space in the enormous eighties fashion mansion.

Sasuke had to shove and push through the crowd of drunk and high teenagers. The further he got into the house the more sparse the crowd became but the louder the music blasted and the stronger the scent of weed and something else dusty and sour. He came around the staircase and saw balloons and beach balls floating up into the steepled ceilings and knew he was nearing the dance floor where Naruto was most likely to be. He stood on the edge of a pit of teenagers moshing violently against each other when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Shikamaru squeezing himself out from between two people, his hair an absolute mess and still wearing pajamas.

“We have to get all these people out of here!” He screamed over the sound of the music and the shouting, barely audible, Tainted Love faded out and another equally horrid eighties song started up right after it. Shikamaru put his hands over his head and twirled his hand around, their secret universal sign for the police. 

Sasuke looked out over the crowd of people and caught a single flash of yellow hair before it vanished again into the center circle of clashing bodies. His heart was in his throat. Naruto couldn’t get arrested, not now, not ever. It would ruin everything the two of them had built together, and this time Sasuke knew that if Naruto spent another second in this damned place they would all go down with him. He swallowed hard and started to get more aggressive with the way he shoved passed people, pulling Shikamaru along with him. They skirted around the edge of the dance floor trying to get to the unoccupied DJ stand when Naruto and Sasuke made direct eye contact. He was slightly taller than most, his head popping out above the line of people. The smile that already danced on his face only got bigger and bigger, he howled Sasuke’s name and people parted for him like the Red Sea. The closer he got the more bugged out Sasuke could tell he really was - it wasn’t just the energy of the party, there was sweat growing on his forehead like tears, his eyes were bloodshot red, the bags that gathered under his eyes had gotten bruise-like, and his whole body was shaking with adrenaline. He grabbed Sasuke by his elbows and dragged him away from Shikamaru onto the dance floor. The crowd created a small circle just for the two of them and Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s waist and pulled him close, way too close, so their stomaches rubbed up against each other and Naruto started jumping up and down with Sasuke in his arms like he was light as a feather. 

Naruto’s grip got tighter and tighter as Sasuke tried to break free, tighter again when he pushed against Naruto’s chest, doing anything he could to get away from this person he once knew. The flashing lights and the unbreathable air was under his skin like worms, invading his space until he couldn’t breath, couldn’t see straight. He only saw Naruto, and the panic that seemed to be vetting just under his party ridden brain. The two locked eyes and the grip on his waist got tighter again - the smile on Naruto’s face was forced, his smile was too wide, his eyes blown huge, his whole body shaking. Behind everything Sasuke could feel Naruto begging him for help. Sasuke took his hands away from the others chest, stopping his efforts to try and pull away and instead pulled Naruto closer to him by the head, tucking the others head into his chest, holding him as close as he could, shielding him from the hell that swam around them. No one else noticed their favorite party animal falling apart in the middle of their dance floor; far too drunk to notice anything at all. 

A few moment of their embrace passed before the music cut out, followed up by a series of groans and moans. Sasuke looked up, Naruto still bowed into him, and saw a victorious Shikamaru standing over the crowd on the DJ stand, gripping a mic in one hand. People screamed up at him to turn the music back on but he refused to yield. 

“The police have been called, they’ll be here any second. If you have any sense of self preservation you’ll pack your shit and get the hell out of here as quickly as you can.”

The entire house went completely silent for just a second before the blue and red lights flashed through the front window, a sea of heads all turning and looking in horror in unison. One person let out a starting yell and then a mad scramble began to clear out as soon as possible, people poured out the back and front door like a flash flood. Scrambling and screaming over each other they stormed the two police cars that waited outside, barricading the police from arresting anyone out of the sheer number of people that came out of that house. Shikamaru jumped down from the DJ stand and took Naruto’s other side on his shoulders and together they stumbled alongside the crowd out the back door, watching as people climbed over the back chainlink fence and vanished into the forest. They practically dragged Naruto around the side of the house and through two neighbor’s backyards then onto the street where Sasuke’s car waited for them with the keys still inside. 

“Wa’ m’ board.” Naruto slurred, pointing to a bush on the side of the road. Shikamaru let go and fished his old skateboard from inside the bush. Naruto took it from his friend and clutched it close to his chest like a stuffed animal. Trying to take it from him so they could put it into the trunk was a true struggle but he eventually let go with a defeated groan.

“I’ll drive. You stay in the back with him.” Shikamaru said as rounded the car, Sasuke stumbled for a couple steps before hauling himself and Naruto into the backseat. Naruto had been mumbling and groaning to himself the whole time, his head swinging around his shoulders and his hands twitching. 

Now that Sasuke could properly look at his friend he could see how much of an intense wreck the poor teen was. His eyes were so red that there was barely any white left, his pupils blown as wide as they could go, water gathered in the corners of his eyes but they certainly weren’t tears, tear /drops more likely. Naruto’s head flopped down onto his chest then to his left, looking lazily out the window. His hand came up, coated in three Kandi on each wrist, and scratched a long rash that was climbing up the side of his neck. The other hand wiped the underneath of his nose and he sniffled loudly. His unfocused eyes trained to Shikamaru, although Sasuke didn’t think he knew who any of them were. He pulled himself up around the drivers seat so he was breathing down his friends neck. 

“Can we get sonic?” His voice cracked.

Sasuke grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him back into his seat, reaching over him and buckling his seat belt on. Naruto looked over at Sasuke, his mouth hanging open. He looked between Sasuke’s lips and his eyes multiple times before reaching up and putting his palm over Sasuke’s face. Once he was sure Sasuke was real and sitting next to him he looked back up out the windshield, before unbuckling himself and leaned up against the back of the drivers seat again. 

“Take me back to the party.” He slurred, banging his head against the driver side headrest. “I was having such a good time.” 

Shikamaru looked at Sasuke in the rear view mirror, his eyebrows pressed with concern. Sasuke reached up and pulled Naruto back again, this time Naruto shoved his hand off his shoulder with a scowl.

“Get the fuck off me, man.” He groaned, suddenly loosing his balance and letting his whole body fall onto Sasuke’s lap as they turned a corner. He laughed too loudly and let himself slide onto the floor of the backseat, his body now shoved awkwardly in the space between the seats. He was laughing the whole time Sasuke tried to pull him out but he couldn’t 

“Naruto you need to get a hold of yourself.” Sasuke scolded. 

That got the others attention. He straightened up quickly, glaring daggers at the person who was trying to take care of him. He violently shoved Sasuke to the other side of the car and then turned to the door and with one swift yank he pulled it open and tried to jump out onto the pavement. Had it not been for Shikamaru slamming on the breaks and Sasuke threw himself across the seats to grab Naruto by the waist he probably would have jumped to his death. Sasuke held him back even as he screamed and struggled, kicking and pulling. Shikamaru put the car in park in the middle of the unoccupied road and got out. Sasuke let go, and Naruto took off. He hit the ground first, struggling and scrambling to get up, falling a second time and scrapping his knee, then getting up again and stumbling a few feet to the curb, where he fell again and stayed down this time, rolling into a half sitting position on the curb, feeling the cool grass under his too hot body.

Shikamaru and Sasuke stood by the car, watching the would-be-captain of the football team struggle to keep himself awake and up straight. 

“I’ve never seen him like this.” Shikamaru said, his hand nervously rubbing his face. “This is really bad Sasuke. This isn’t just weed and alcohol anymore.”

It never just was, Sasuke knew. He had seen Naruto like this before, although never this bad. He had seen Naruto ready to climb the walls and defeat god, but this, unable to recognize where he was or who he was with - it was scary not to be recognized, and by your best friend? Sasuke felt like throwing up. Naruto turned to his left and looked at the empty space like there was someone there, blinking and nodding, then reaching into the fanny pack on his hip, fishing through lazily. He mumbled something to himself, then scolded the empty space to his left.

What Sasuke saw next made his chest turn inside out with fear. Naruto pulled a small baggie out of the goddamn fanny pack he loved so much, popped it open and coated his pinky in the white powder that lay inside, raise it to his nose, and inhale. He flopped down onto his back laughing up at the sky. 

“I can’t deal with this.” Shikamaru said, shaking his head. “I can’t go to jail, not even for him. I’m sorry Sasuke.” He put Sasuke’s keys into his hand and turned and walked away, simple as that, leaving the maniacally laughing Naruto to lay on the side of the street and only Sasuke to watch him. 

Sasuke walked over and sat down to Naruto’s right, staring into the street, trying to fully comprehend what had just happened, what he suspected was true for a long time but wanted to do anything to deny. Naruto had been doing ok up until now, up until this party. Everything was falling apart. He couldn’t see them in college anymore, together anymore, anywhere near each other anymore.

He felt Naruto reach up and grab his elbow. 

“Sasuke?” He whispered so tenderly a wide smile creeping over his face, making him look insane. “When did you get here?” 

Naruto looked so happy to see him, but he was only seeing him now. In a moment, he could be gone again. “I’ve been here the whole time, moron.” 

Naruto’s eyes squinted in confusion. He looked up past Sasuke’s shoulder and suddenly his face got very serious. He grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and pulled him in close enough that Sasuke could smell the alcohol wafting off his breath.

“We gotta get off the streets, man.” He whispered. “They’re everywhere.” 

Sasuke felt chills run up his spine. He looked around him but they were alone.

Was Naruto hallucinating?

The other teen whipped his head around and hissed something under his breath to something Sasuke couldn’t see, the grip on his shoulders got so tight it hurt.

Naruto was hallucinating.

Naruto flinched like something hit him in the head and then made a mad dash for the car, throwing himself in the back seat head first, laying down with his arms covering his head, his feet sticking out the back. Sasuke stood up and shoved his feet into the car, closing the door behind him. He reluctantly got into the driver seat and sat there with his hands on the wheels before he could be convinced to move. 

They were on their block when Naruto bolted up from his laying position and casually said that he was going to vomit, yet again throwing the door open and climbing out before the car could come to a full stop. This time he couldn’t even pull himself to his feet, instead he crawled about an inch before collapsing on his back and he began to slam the back of his head into the ground repeatedly. Sasuke launched himself out of the car and put a hand under Naruto’s head. 

Naruto looked up at Sasuke and his eyes filled with tears, spilling over the sides of his face. He looked even more out of it than he did before. In his left hand an empty baggie was clutched. It fell to the sidewalk and Sasuke pulled Naruto’s head onto this lap. They were laying between the car and the curb, their apartments were looming over them, a bed, a safe place, was within reach and never so far away at the same time.

Naruto looked up at Sasuke but he wasn’t looking at him, but through him, to Naruto he wasn’t there, he was alone, so goddamn alone like he always had been.

Demon snakes crawled up his skin and swirled around his legs and tightened around his wrists when he tried to move, tugging and pulling at his whole body keeping him laying on the pavement. He felt phantom hands gripping the side of his face but the black mass that loomed over him blocked the stars, they were his only salvation. He grabbed at the mass but It grabbed him back and it was so, so hot, like burning coals marring his skin and he watched at it consumed his hand and his flesh bubbled and burned away. He whined and pulled away, his flesh was fine, the black mass was gone, it was only him and the stars. His entire body felt like it was on fire, like he was bathing in lava and it was slowly eating him alive with a million tiny mouths that he could feel bitting and licking over his arms and his heart was beating so fast he could feel it pushing against his rib cage threatening to break out. He could feel his pulse in his hands, clogging his throat. And the stars, that warped like eyes swimming over him blinking and laughing danced into red glowing eyes and the moon into one long serrated grin bubbling with deep and evil laughter mocking his weakness as he slowly drowned alongside squirming shadows. He wanted Sasuke here with him that’s why he begged him to come but there was no one, he was alone, alone, alone forever into the melting darkness and he would never, ever, ever feel the touch of another human ever again and he would die here, unsure of himself and his surroundings, just dead, gone, immobilized, erased, morphed into the horror around him. Water crawled out his mouth and he choked, spitting fire, ants crawled around under his finger nails biting at the soft flesh of his nail beds, screaming at him. He could feel them on his legs but no matter how much he kicked or scratched they wouldn't yield so he just slumped over and let the water eat him. 

It took Sasuke a moment too long to realize he was witnessing an overdose. Naruto was sweating and flailing, muttering incoherent words to the world that he had lost, he wasn't responding to Sasuke or anything else. He quickly pulled out his phone and had a moment when he was listening to 911 ring, watching as Naruto’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and then went wide like he was trying to hold himself back from passing out, that maybe this was one of those times he heard about where if he had only called a few minutes ago Naruto would have been fine, or if he hadn’t let him lay in the back the car and no doubt continue to silently snort coke, that he could have lived - but this was the unfair version where Sasuke waited too long, and he had damned his friend to die.

_“911, What’s your emergency?”_

“I think my friend overdosed.” Sasuke said, only then realizing how horrified he sounded. He combed his hand through Naruto’s hair, his skin was so hot, his face was practically red. 

_“Where is your emergency?”_

Sasuke rattled off his location, placing his hand on the side of Naruto’s face, holding it still as his head rolled back and forth. He absently reached up and grabbed Sasuke's shirt collar with an iron grip before he lightly convulsed and began gasping, then settling back into his rambling.

_“Can you tell me what he’s taken?”_

“Cocaine, and definitely a lot of weed and alcohol.” Sasuke responded, trying to calm himself down while keeping Naruto from hurting himself as his incessant scratching started to draw blood. 

_“Can you tell me what's going on with him? Does he have a fever or rashes and is he breathing properly?”_

“He’s - he’s really sweaty and I think he has a fever, he doesn’t recognize me and he just threw up. I think - he also may have been hallucinating.” Sasuke heard sirens in the distance. 

_“Is there any chance he took any more than just coke and weed?”_ The 911 operator became distance as Naruto’s eyes rolled into the back on his head for the final time and he went completely still. 

“He just - he just passed out. I don’t know - what should I do?” Sasuke let out a single incredibly loud and terrified scream. The 911 operator tried to get his attention but there was no way he could, Sasuke shook violently, throwing his phone to the ground. 

He couldn’t die, Naruto couldn’t die here and now, no way. Sasuke grabbed the sides of his face and shook him, trying to get any kind of response out of him, but he was gone - he was gone, Sasuke just watched his best friend die. His agonizing cries vibrated the entire block, drowning out the sound of the sirens getting closer, or of the people coming down into the street, of someone coming up behind him and putting their hands on his shoulders, of anyone and anything other than his dead best friend lying in the street in front of him. He couldn’t even recognize Sasuke as he died, didn’t know where he was, or who he was. He died alone. 

The EMT’s ripped Sasuke off Naruto’s prone form, the four of them crowding him from view as Sasuke fell into his brothers waiting arms, clutching onto him for dear life as they lifted him up. Sasuke watched as one of them reached down Naruto’s throat and pulled vomit out onto the street. Naruto’s body shuddered and like a spring rain Sasuke felt his whole body go cold and soft, pushing Itachi away as he crawled to get a closer look. The EMT put an oxygen mask over his scared face and lifted him into the ambulance. He tried to get in behind them but was pushed away. 

“He’ll be at Konoha general.” The EMT said, a look of familiar kindness flashing across his unfamiliar face. “Follow us there.” 

The last thing Sasuke saw before the doors closed was Naruto struggling violently against the people trying to help him. He watched the ambulance disappear around the corner before he turned and got back into his own car, Itachi grabbing his wrist. The two shared a look. Sasuke knew Itachi would try to hold him back, Itachi knew Sasuke would never let that happen. He sighed, defeated, and let his brother climb into his car. 

Sasuke ripped off the side street as fast as he could in the direction of the hospital, wiping tears off his face the entire time. Every time he blinked he saw Naruto's eyes and felt him convulsing beneath him, going limp as a ragdoll. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to get rid of that image for the rest of his life - and if Naruto dies, he will too. 


	2. Good Times Breed Good Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inklings of addiction sometimes start in the best moments of your life. The pursuit of happiness was more a drug than anything he ever did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put way too much effort into this fic lmao

Naruto usually didn’t leave school leading up to big games like today. He loitered around the empty school grounds while the others went home and prepared themselves, collecting their families and friends. Naruto sat on the porch outside the front entrance to the locker rooms scrolling through his phone. Sasuke was the first to show up with his tired brother in tow. They headed into the lockers together, almost immediately launching into endless bickering and teasing. Shino and Kiba wandered in, followed by Shikamaru, who wasn’t actually on the team - far too lazy - but he was there anyways, Choji being pulled along by an overexcited Lee and Neji, who was downing an energy drink from his water bottle, refusing to look anyone in the eyes. Neji was one of those extreme superstitious type, having a long history of family going through the football team at Konoha high, he refused to put anything on the line to risk a loss. He firmly believed that making eye contact with any of his team mates before they set foot on the field was bad luck for their team work throughout the game. Naruto liked to harass him about it, trying to get Neji to look at him even if it meant sneaking up on him in the shower.

Yamato ran them through a series of warm ups stretching across their home field. Naruto and Sasuke were across from each other or shoulder to shoulder chatting about plays and strategies. In their sophomore year the two had each risen to the same skill level and had started to slowly consider each other equals. Naruto and Sasuke shared the title of quarterback. They had such a small team they often shared roles, no one person going without the responsibility of holding up the team, but the role of quarterback and receiver had been almost exclusive for Naruto and Sasuke.

When the rival team arrived the tension became overwhelming. Sunaga High had been a longtime rival, since before most of them were on the team and certainly before Naruto’s time. They had faced off against each other once during the playoffs last year and their line backer at the time had done his damn best to make sure Naruto in particular got sent directly to the hospital - and sure enough he did, with a sprained ankle, a cracked rib, and a concussion. Since then the red feind had become their quarterback, and, although it was unofficial, so had Naruto. They had seen each other in passing and Naruto held no ill will against the red head. They were the same, after all.

Although the rest of the team became somewhat stiff upon seeing the Sunaga team step onto their field, Naruto and Gaara exchanged a polite head nod.

The bleachers on either side of the small, old stadium filled up quickly with their respective sides. Red and tan banners decorated one side, green and blue the other. Student and teachers and over invested parents began their screaming chants and shouts long before the game began. As they lined up for their first play, the pregnant sky opened up and released a downpour.

Their first quarter had been like a battle field, bodies slamming into bodies feet squeaking against fake grass faces coated in blood and sweat and the chilling February rain. Neither team had managed a single score against the other, not a single touch down came from anyone. They fought hard against each other, both skilled teams and dedicated players butting heads like a crowd of bulls all painted red. Naruto respected Gaara’s need to win, but he wasn’t sure if Gaara fully respected him yet. Like it was their first freshmen season all over again the small but bulky kid was plowing into Naruto any chance he got. Right before the whistle blew for the half time show, Naruto let his guard down for just a single moment, the ball in hand, rearing to throw to Choji who was wide open for once, and Gaara slammed into him, his shoulder meeting the guard over Naruto’s mouth, sending him head first into the hard ground.

Gaara lifted himself up off Naruto at the sound of the whistle, standing over him for a moment, his form blocking out the flood lights like a benevolent shadow. He jogged away, leaving Naruto on the ground. The sky doubled, tripled, the rain became blurry ice that pierced his skin like knives. He felt the warmth of blood trickling down from his nose. Yamato lifted him up off the ground into a sitting position. His head lulled for a moment before he caught sight of Sasuke shoving Gaara by the shoulders, shouting something obscene between him and the refs trying to calm them both down. He looked over to the two versions of his coach waving his hand in front of Naruto’s face. He pushed the hand away and shook his head. With some assistance from his coach and Kiba he was lifted to his useless feet and practically dragged off the field to the heaven that was the benches. At some point his helmet fell into his hand and he welcomed the cold wet steel bench like a warm bed.

The moment he went down Shikamaru jumped over the short fence separating the bleachers from the field, a damp shirt-towel ready in hand. He lifted Naruto’s head so he could pinch his nose but Naruto just wiped the blood off his face with the back of his hand and put his head between his knees.

Shikamaru knelt down in front of him so he could get close to Naruto’s bent head. “Man you should go to the hospital, that didn’t look good.”

“M’fine.” He mumbled so only Shikamaru could hear.

Yamato handed the spectator Naruto’s water bottle and he coaxed his friend to take a drink. The coach joined Shikamaru down at Naruto’s level.

“That was harsh, son.” He said. “I’m benching you for the rest of the game.”

That got Naruto to sit up, although his eyes were shut and his nose was steadily bleeding, he shook his head in protest. Sasuke came up to his left, his angry presence getting Shikamaru and their own captain to take a few steps back, giving the two teammates space. He calmly sat down next to Naruto and put his hand on the back of the others neck, giving him a polite shake. Naruto looked over at Sasuke, cracking one eye open. Neither said anything although their fierce eye contact never loosened. This always happened during big games: the two would become one mind in separate bodies and it was like someone flipped a switch, they became perfect teammates. Any remnants of their volatile rivalry would vanish, some of the others on the team hypothesized they had figured out telepathy. Kiba hypothesized they were fucking. Neither options seemed too far out.

“Sit it out.” Sasuke commanded.

Naruto took a second to consider and then shook his head, sniffling the blood back into his nose and standing, shoving Sasuke off in the process. He flexed his shoulders and shook out his hands, bouncing in the balls of his feet. He leaned down and picked his helmet up off the ground, offering his water bottle back to Shikamaru. This was their last game of the season - they had fought and trained and pushed through preliminaries, through playoffs; and Naruto hadn’t been benched for a single game. That had never happened. All his training, everything he had pushed through was finally beginning paying off, he refused to get fucked over by a single tackle. No matter how much Gaara insisted on being his sworn enemy he would not fall to him, not here, not now. If it were any other game, any other kid, maybe it would be different, maybe he would listen - but this was not that game. In Naruto’s mind ever second he spent with his feet on the turf was time he would be only at his best. He often felt like he had so little to offer, except for here. Here he not only knew he was worth something, he felt it, and the others around him relied on that. They needed him. He was lucky that his coach and his teammates understood. They conversed through a final game plan as the band finished playing and the clock started back up again.

They aligned on the field and Naruto could feel the undying glare of the other teams quarterback burning a whole through his head. Of all the kids he had been pushed around by, there was something about Gaara that gave him the chills. Maybe it was because they were so similar, and no one would let him forget it. They were stripped down to nothing but those two kids with violently dead parents. He tried to shake himself free from the intimidation that was plaguing his limbs. He couldn’t think about it, he had to get deadly serious now. With only thirty minutes left on the clock - he had to win. If he didn’t; it felt like the whole world would come down around him. Roaring cheers chased at his heals he launched himself into the game.

The first play he attempted a touchdown pass, but like clockwork Gaara sideswiped him out of nowhere, snatching the ball only moments after it left Naruto’s hands, jumping at least five feet into the air. He made it about a yard before Choji took him down. Again and again that damned kid kept coming up out of nowhere and tackling Naruto in the side, purposely causing fumbles, snatching the ball out of mid-throw. It was almost otherworldly how good he was at getting on Naruto’s nerves. There was no way he was faster than Naruto, no one was faster than Naruto, but the bastard was smart, and he had nimble hands and a good team.

During their fourth play they got a single point ahead of Konoha’s team and Naruto looked over at his rival quarterback, only to see a shit eating grin on that damned flies face. He managed to keep it up through a full twenty five minutes of play. The crowd around them had gotten even more antsy, the clock ticking down even as they stood shifting players around on the team. Naruto looked to Sasuke seconds before their play and saw the teen drop his hand subtly to his thigh, patting it twice. Two minutes. Without a second thought the moment the whistle blew Naruto swiveled and side passed to Sasuke and took off in the direction of their enemies goal post. He passed the opposing quarterback so fast he heard the air zip between them. One minute. Naruto looked over his shoulder and saw Sasuke appear out of a scramble of bodies, his hands around the ball, rearing back. He jumped, and hurled it in his direction. Thirty seconds. A perfect spiral. Naruto stopped to receive, only a yard away from the end zone. He jumped. His whole body sparked with excitement as the ball hurled into his arms and he landed. Ten seconds. As he received the pass he saw his enemy coming for him and he felt fireworks ignited in his gut spinning and zipping into his bloodstream. There was no way he could catch up with him now. Naruto’s feet hit the ground running and within seconds he was in the end zone. The buzzer sounded, the game was over.

Naruto collapsed onto his back. The world around him erupted into confetti and screams. The ground below him vibrated with the feet of his teammates running to him. All he could do was stare up into the sky as water came down over him in bright pellets like diamonds, spilling through his helmet and onto his hot skin and felt the cool splash on his face for the first time. The joy that came over him made his hands go numb. He saw Sasuke’s face come into view and on some other distant planet his team tackled him. His mind was a thousand miles away, the world spinning in fuzzy slow motion, as he was lifted off the ground and up onto Choji’s strong shoulders - the whole world danced under his feet and for the first time in his life he was above them, he was the cause of their smiles and their joy. The sound of their screams fell far into the background. Their faces became blurs, unrecognizable in the triumphant sea of teens. To his left Sasuke fast walked alongside their crowd with a content grin on his face and his hair matted to his head with sweat. He looked up at Naruto and smiled, actually smiled, at _him_. He raised his helmet over his head. Sasuke has just acknowledged Naruto’s victory - their victory, they had gotten here together. Sasuke should have been up here above the world with him but instead he walked silently alongside him. Naruto looked to his right just as they passed the opposing teams bench. The redhead had his helmet on the ground and was staring daggers deep into Naruto’s moment of happiness. His aching heart dared to feel a pang of regret that refused to leave him even as they paraded into the locker rooms, their cheers echoing into the cold night.

Their locker room was a fire hazard of friends and family and cheerleaders all the same, laughing and celebrating. They filtered out one by one until it was only the team, Shikamaru, and Ino and Sakura, of course.

“Are you going to the after party?” Sakura asked Naruto and Sasuke, siting next to each other on the bench.

Sasuke scowled. “No.”

“Yes!” Naruto said at the exact same time. They exchanged a look, Naruto silently pleading, Sasuke silently scolding.

“Ok.” Sakura mumbled awkwardly, placing a neon pink piece of paper between them with an address written on it. She nervously left them to their telepathic bickering.

The two didn’t breach the topic again until they were walking to the car, Itachi tiredly in tow.

“Don’t you think it’ll be fun?” Naruto said. He was so excited he was practically shaking. He had never been invited to a party before. He had been to them before of course but never had he been invited.

“No.” Sasuke responded.

“Why don’t you go, Sasuke?” Itachi bugged, siding with Naruto. “You could use a little loosening up.”

Naruto looked expectantly between the two. Sasuke really didn’t want to go. He hated parties, hated the idea of them, hated going - he just hated them. It wasn’t like any of them actually cared about him anyways he just got invited because the girls thought he was hot and the guys thought he was cool. This situation was only slightly different, now that Naruto had been thrown into the hat.

“Didn’t Shikamaru say he would treat us all to Waffle House?” Sasuke said, a passive plea. “Doesn’t that sound better than a party to you.”

Naruto slumped, rolling his eyes. “I mean I guess, but the party will have other stuff.”

“Just go.” Itachi groaned, snatching the car keys from his younger brother. “It’s not that far from here and you can just walk home afterwards, ok?”

Naruto looked at Sasuke, his face split into a wide grin. The walk there was filled with short conversation here and there about what they could have done different in the game and Naruto inflating his own ego and Sasuke being disgusted. The came around the block the house was on and immediately could tell which house it was, lit up on the outside with several cars parked outside and music blaring out into the street. There was a pool in background and Naruto lit up, grabbing Sasuke by the arm and dragging him into a run.

They entered through the front and the moment they crossed the threshold they became different people, red lights swayed over their eyes, the dark house lit up by strobe lights in the ceiling. Sakura was waiting by the door with a red solo cup in her hand, tapping her foot. She saw Naruto saunter in with Sasuke in tow and she fell into step next to them, offering Naruto a fist bump.

They were introduced to the liquor shelf immediately, the sparse younger high schoolers there fawned over them as they walked through on their way to the mini bar. One of the seniors stood behind it, unfolding his arms like he expected them. His hair was silver and his face was like a demon, the look that rested in his eyes screamed of a man who found fun in chaos. Naruto had met him before, a long time ago. His Name was Mizuki. He and Naruto had a history of not getting along, but he welcomed them with a sly grin and a polite nod of the head.

“I was hoping you would show up.” He said, his words booming over the music despite not raising his voice. He spoke generally but he was directing himself at Naruto. “I saw you play tonight. First time we’ve won a final in a long time. We owe you something special.”

With that he got to work, making them watch as he showed off his flashy Vegas style tending he no doubt learned off the internet. He was one of the seniors who had a fake ID, and who made them for the younger kids. He was a necessary decoration to any big high school like theirs; unfortunate, but necessary. He made each of them a special drink, one with orange Fanta, one with grape soda, one with pink lemonade - their respective favorite colors, all filled to the brim with alcohol. One sip and they were sold. It was the first time any of them had mixed drinks and not cheap wine or stolen labels beer. Reluctantly they thanked him, and the mischievous glare on his face only became exponentially worse.

Someone came up behind Naruto and tapped him on the shoulder. It was a nervous looking freshmen. He didn’t say a word, only pointing to a keg sitting in the corner and another freshmen pathetically trying and failing to do a keg stand. Naruto knew his time had come. If he was wearing a shirt with long sleeves now would have been the moment he rolled them up. Sasuke put his hand on Naruto’s shoulder and tried to stop him from following the freshmen. But he couldn’t be stopped. There was a common stereotype that people on the football team could handle more liquor then most. They where right of course, at least about Naruto. He didn’t know where it came from but from his tolerance for alcohol was unusually high. Sakura and Sasuke leaned back on the bar and watched a bunch of freshmen about to have their minds blown.

No one was able to hold Naruto up, he was too heavy for that, so Naruto lifted himself up, resting his feet against the wall and someone put the tap in his mouth and he started to drink. A crowd was waiting for him, already cheering and chanting, but after sixty seconds they just stood in silence and awe. The whole room had come to a stop to watch the yellow headed dumbass gulp beer like a drowning man. He fell over onto the ground, the tap spitting foam, his shirt soaked in beer. The keg was empty. Naruto groaned, looked spaced out like he just had an out of body experience. He stood, stumbling, all the people around him gaping at him. A second passed, then a house wide screambroke out led by Naruto’s booming voice.

Sakura looked at Sasuke, grinning wildly.

The crowd jumped and clashed with Naruto, everyone trying to get even a moment of his attention. They created a makeshift dance floor right there as the music continued over the house speakers, people picking up whoever phone it was that was to change and queue music. Sakura at some point abandoned Sasuke at the mini bar and joined the crowd. Naruto lit up when he saw her and they moshed against each other from song to song.

“Your buddy kinda left you behind, there.” Mizuki taunted, leaning over the bar to hiss in Sasuke’s ear. “You’re not as good as he is, obviously, or else that’d be you. If you’re not careful you’ll get left behind.”

Without missing a beat Sasuke turned around and slapped the senior hard enough to knock him out. It wasn’t a punch, Sasuke wasn’t looking to get arrested for fighting tonight, but he wouldn’t stand to be talked to like that. Mizuki went down hard, his body vanishing behind the counter of the mini bar, out of everyone’s sight and mind. No one seemed to care. No one turned around, no one stopped their fun to say anything.

“Yeah, I’m the one who’s getting left behind.” Sasuke muttered to himself. He reached across the counter and pulled a bottle of vodka out from under it, popping the cap off and going bottoms ups. He drank until it burned, then left it on the counter. He spotted Naruto, just a bit taller than the rest, creating the swarm of people. Lazily he fumbled towards him. They made eye contact. He pushed people aside to grab Sasuke by the arm and pull him into the center of the crowd, right next to him and Sakura. The three danced shoulder to shoulder in a little triangle, screaming the lyrics to whatever bullshit song came over the speakers. Sasuke didn’t look away from Naruto for a second.

When they got tired, Naruto drew the three away from the dance floor and into the next room where there was a place to sit and catch their breath. The three sat on the disgusting old couch in the living room and joined a circle pass of joint and a bong until they were high enough not to care if they died. Naruto slid off the couch onto the floor putting his head on Sasuke’s leg. Sakura sat in the spot next to him. The two had a long history of invading Sasuke’s personal space for the sole person of annoying him. At this point, he just let it happen. Naruto texted Shikamaru and Sakura took pictures of the three of them.

Within another five minutes Kiba came hurtling from the front lawn screaming his greeting to the entire house. Shikamaru, Choji and Lee came behind him, all looking a little lost if not excited. Kiba and Naruto collided in a hug and the team passed through their greeting. Kiba and Shikamaru took a few hits before quickly launching into their journey to find booze. Naruto led them back into the other room where the dancing had died down without their star there to guide them.

Ino had taken over the bar, serving as they came and went. Naruto floated over to her with his pose in tow.

“Where’s Mizuki?’ Naruto asked.

Ino blew bubble gum in his face, pointing down at he feet. Naruto and Sakura both peaked over the counter and saw him passed out still, slumped against the wall by Ino’s feet.

She shrugged when they questioned her. “He was like that when I came over and I ain’t waiting on him to get up. He thinks he’s so special, I can mix drink too you know.”

“Yeah so can I.” Lee pipped up, very seriously, puffing his chest out.

“I can too.” Sasuke said.

“Of course you can.” Ino fawned, leaning on the table to make her tits look bigger. Sasuke made a disgusted face and looked up at the ceiling. She pouted and violently slammed a bottle of vodka on the counter, tossing her hair and walking away.

They all watched her go, awkwardly trying not to make a scene.

Naruto broke the weird pause. “Shots?”

Everyone nodded.

Sasuke lined up six glasses in a row in front of each of them, spilling a little vodka as he went. They threw one back, all coughing except Sasuke who took it in strides. Sakura joined in the second round. On their third round they were all nearly piss pour drunk, stumbling and babbling. Naruto turned around and let out an ear splitting shout to no one in particular that made everyone cover their ears and groan. They all ended up singing and dancing in their own small little group. They made a pathetic mosh to Tainted Love, Sasuke and Naruto shouted the lyrics to Don’t Stop Believing into each other mouths. Lee and Kiba collapsed on the floor in the far corner under the stairs hugging each other. Shikamaru sat next to them staring into nothing, Choji joined him, taking a breath. Ino appeared from the other room carrying a spliff and offered it to the others. Once everyone was drunk, high, or both and perfectly stuck in their bliss, Naruto slipped from the crowd, followed by Sasuke and Sakura. The three wandered outside again hanging off each other.

Naruto didn’t waste a single second in stripping down to his gym shorts and launching himself sideways into the pool. Sakura laughed and followed suit, stripping down to her bra and underwear and jumping onto a floating flamingo into the pool. Naruto came up under her in water and grabbed her foot, puling her under. He came up laughing but she came up behind him and held his head under water until he kicked her in the stomach to get her to let up. Naruto threw a volley ball at Sasuke and yelled at him to get in the pool. Sakura joined in. Sasuke refused, not even daring to stick his feet in knowing he would get pulled in. He stood a respectful distance away, watching the two of them swimming around, letting the water carry their bodies, eyes closed, loving the bliss of the moment.

Naruto swam up to the edge of he pool, resting his head on his arms on the rim, staring at Sasuke. He smiled, Sasuke didn’t. They stared at each other for longer than usual people did.

“Let’s go on the roof.” Naruto suggested, pointing to the ladder sat up against the side of the house for that exact purpose. He pulled himself out of the pool. Sakura eventually did the same, struggling for a while. She ended up just flopping out and rolling around at the edge of the pool until she came to one of the chairs and could pull herself up.

They drunkenly struggled up the ladder, supporting and pulling each other up. Once they were up there they laid under the stars in silence for a long time, enjoying each others company. The sound of the booming music and the occasional shouts died off into some other planet, the three of them transported to another dimension where nothing existed except each other and the shingles of the roof and the endless stars. The sounds of the party became like nightly crickets. Naruto wanted to reach over and hold Sasuke’s hand like he sometimes did when he was drunk and high but he held himself back for fear of getting mocked by Sakura and her spreading rumors. Naruto shot up, a sudden idea slithering into the bad idea machine his brain became drunk and high.

“You know what would be fun.” He said. Sasuke and Sakura sat up in unison, looking at him expectantly. “If we jumped into the pool from here.”

Sakura Looked over the edge. The pool wasn’t too far. She considered it. “I’m down.”

Naruto looked too Sasuke. “Do I have a choice?’

“No.”

They stood, hooking arm in arm. They first approached the edge, judging the distance, then they took a few steps back and with a run they launching into the sky. For a second, they flew. Then they slammed into the pool that was not deep enough for their jump and they all scraped their knees on the bottom of the pool. But they came up laughing. From inside Lee came stumbling out, stanced up, swaying on his feet.

“Lets do this!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. Other from inside started making their way outside. Lee climbed up the roof, joined by Kiba. Without hesitation they flew off the roof, landing in the pool. Naruto lifted Kiba up onto his shoulders parading him around the pool cheering. Choji bullied Shikamaru into doing the same. The entire party ended up jumping off the roof and into the pool and suddenly the pool was filled.

Neji came wandering awkwardly from inside the house. Lee saw him and climbed out screeching, Naruto followed. Lee gave his best friend a tight hug and refused to let go. Naruto clapped him hard on the back.

“I didn’t think you would come to something like this.” Naruto slurred.

Neji shoved Lee off him and leaned away from Naruto to avoid the disgusting scent of booze that was his breath. “I didn’t want to come but Lee texted me. I thought I should come and make sure you’re not killing someone or yourself. Seems like you’re already halfway there.”

Naruto was pretty sure that was an insult but he wasn’t about to get into it with Neji tonight. He just laughed. “You should join in.”

Neji shook his head. “I’m only here to drive you buffoons home so no one gets arrested.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and left Lee to deal with his favorite party pooper. He canon balled back into the pool without a second thought.

They stayed long into the night. They drank and smoked a bit more, jumped off the roof a couple more times until Naruto had one bad jump and scrapped his knee so bad on the bottom of the pool he started to bleed. That was the end of the pool for the night. Everyone sat around inside until they eventually meandered off in their own separate directions one by one over the course of an hour. Naruto and his team stayed outside until most of them where gone. When they went back inside, Mizuki was sitting on a stool by the bar, his hand on his face, fuming. He saw them come in and his stupid malicious smile came back, pretending like he wasn’t about to murder Sasuke and everyone he associated with in cold blood on sight. Naruto pretended to be civil with him, hoping a smile would be good enough and he would just let them go past but he didn’t. He stood in their way.

“You guys should come over more often.” He said, smiling. “Parties never been that exciting before.”

He gave then a bottle of cheap shit wine from the cabinets as a party gift and sent them on their way. Naruto felt his chest light up with happiness. All the other times he snuck into parties like this he always had to be as low-key as possible, lying about who he was and who he knew. He always had fun, but never this much fun. People actually liked him. They had fun because of him, they wanted him there. Shikamaru had brought the entire team over when Naruto told him they should come, and they had fun. Even though they had known each other for years, played together for two, their growth as friends, as a team, had been extremely slow; but tonight, it was like for once they were all truly friends. Like some barrier had feel between them and they were free to really be around each other unfiltered. To trust each other enough, to trust Naruto enough, to be that drunk and high around each other unapologetically - it made Naruto feel like crying from happiness. But he didn’t. He kept it in, and he stayed close to Sasuke.

Their team sauntered through the empty city sidewalks shouting and singing, all hanging off each other for support. Neji managed to shove all of them into his midsized sedan - it was actually his mothers midsized sedan - and bumble off down the road in the direction to the closest of their houses. Lee sat in the front seat. Naruto Sat on top of Sasuke’s lap, Kiba sat in the middle. Shikamaru on the left, Choji rolled around in the trunk, singing to himself. Neji kept screaming back at them to be quiet or to buckle up, to which the response was almost always one long and in unison groan of ‘ok mom’ to which Neji would be silenced by rage for a little while before yelling at them again and the cycle started up all over again.

They passed by the dark football field on which they had just had their first victory as Kiba lived close by. Naruto screamed for Neji to stop, out of reflex and fear of something actually bad happening Neji slammed on the breaks, causing all of them to lurch forward and for Choji to roll and slam against the back of the seats.The collective ‘what the fuck’ was left behind as Naruto opened the door and ran out of the car. He ran up into the grass and hopped over the fence, screaming for his friends to follow him. They did, one by one, leaving the car in the middle of the empty midnight road, abandoning its tight space for the freedom of revisiting their victory over and over again after every foot met the cold turf.

They ran back and forth, screaming about their victory, recreating the moment they won with cheesy sports announcer voices, laughing and stumbling over each other and their spinning drunken world that existed only for them.

Naruto and Sasuke ended up laying on their enemies end zone watching Lee try to pick a play fight with Kiba. 

Naruto had never looked so calm and peaceful before, so unapologetically happy, even if he wasn’t smiling. But when he started to speak, it fled from his face. “Do you think we should have let them win?”

Sasuke rested his hand on his palm. “What the hell are you talking about, moron.”

Naruto looked over. “I mean they worked so hard to get there and they were pretty good.”

“And we weren’t?”

Naruto shrugged, taking a long swig from the wine, his adam’s apple bobbing. Sasuke had to pull the bottle away when the liquid started spilling over his cheeks and down his neck. Naruto groaned in protest but didn’t try to resist, flopping onto his back.

Sasuke poured the rest of the alcohol out onto the turf. “There.” He threw the bottle off into the darkness past the floodlights and it smashed somewhere in the bushes. “We poured one out for their hard work. Can we go home now?”

Naruto nodded, holding his arms out like a toddler. Sasuke reluctantly took him under an arm and lifted him up, half dragging him off the field and off into the night. They left their team there with Neji, knowing they would be space. They stumbled together down their city sidewalk in content silence. They came up to Sasuke's apartments, separating Sasuke stumbled to hid door. Sasuke unlocked and opened his door, entering his dark apartment, turning around expecting to say goodnight to Naruto. He turned, and Naruto had his back to him. The keys to his apartment were on the ground by his feet and he was staring into the street, unmoving.

“Naruto?”

The boy turned his head a little, but Sasuke still couldn’t see his face. He paused for a moment, messing with the hem of his shirt.

“Can I stay at your place?” Naruto asked. He turned all the way around, but his eyes were cast to the ground. He was listing slightly.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

He entered his apartment, leaving the door open behind him. Naruto excitedly picked his keys up off the ground and followed his friend inside. The door accidentally slammed behind him and Sasuke slapped his arm, shushing him violently. Naruto mouthed an apology and followed Sasuke through the pitch black apartment on his tip toes. As they passed Itachi’s dark room Sasuke closed the door. once inside Sasuke’s dirty bedroom Naruto collapsed onto the clothe covered floor, sighing content to sleep on the floor. Sasuke rolled his eyes again and stepped over his friend and crawled onto his own bed. They didn’t bother to get undressed or anything, just laying down and waiting for their drunk and high state to taunt them into slumber.

Naruto had other ideas. “I’m really glad you came with me.”

Sasuke groaned. “Whatever, moron. Just go to sleep.”

A pause. “I’m really glad we’re friends.”

Sasuke just hummed, not wanting to enter into whatever that conversation was trying to become.

“Hey Sasuke.”

“Naruto, shut up.”

Silence.

“Sasuke, I’m really glad we’re friends.”

Sasuke groaned loudly, begging. “Naruto, please go to sleep.”

“Are you glad we’re friends?”

“Yes, ok, Naruto? I’m glad we’re friends can you please go to sleep.”

Although Sasuke would never see it Naruto smiled and started to silently cry from happiness. They both drifted off

Sasuke woke up in the morning hugging his pillow, soft and warm presence of his bunched up blankets held him. He stretched and yawned, opening his eyes to find he wasn’t actually hugging a pillow, but Naruto, who must’ve crawled into his bed in the night. Naruto was drooling on his own face, passed out to high heaven, not even the end of the world would have woken him up. Sasuke wanted to push him off onto the floor but he was so hung over he was sure if he put even an ounce of strength into anything he would die, and Naruto was heavy. Instead he lay back down, basically cuddled into this moron’s side, his head resting on his bicep. Sasuke looked up at his ceiling and felt his gut constrict. Was he going to throw up? Or was he…feeling something. Did he really want to push Naruto off the bed or did he want him to hold him closer, did he want to be held, did he want to be close? It wasn’t gay, was it? To want to be held. Sasuke had never trusted someone like he trusted Naruto. He wasn’t sure he would even let a girl hold him the way he was letting a passed out Naruto do now. So maybe it wasn’t gay. Maybe it was ok just to be held and to want to be held. He didn’t want anyone else but Naruto to do it. He never minded how close Naruto was to him, how he was always side to side with him, shoulder to shoulder, how close they got at the party. But they weren’t drunk now. Sasuke shook his head, willing the feeling to leave him, to just be in the moment he was sure would likely never come again.

Naruto snorted and shifted in his sleep onto his side, so now he was clinging to Sasuke like a koala. He wrapped his arm mourned Sasuke’s mid section and his leg hiked up over his leg. He wasn’t pressed into him too much that Sasuke could really feel the grooves of his body. This was ok, this was fine. Nervously, Sasuke put his arm over Naruto’s head and let him rest on his chest. He sighed, smiled, and fell back asleep.

Itachi came into Sasuke’s room later to yell at him for lunch, and he saw Naruto, who was much thicker then Sasuke, spooning his skinnier companion. Both of them passed out and Naruto snoring loudly.


	3. From Up Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nights are cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two in one day?? uhh. this is what some people may call a slow burn. maybe. its. too slow. but this chapter is shorter

From what Naruto could put together from his vantage point in the ceiling he probably should not have been smoking weed in the bathroom. Of course that probably was just a common sense sort of thing, but he thought it would be fun. Shikamaru was laying perpendicular to him, across the metal bearings that kept the flimsy wooden panels in place. Both of them holding their breath to avoid inhaling the dust or the asbestos or alerting the security guards who had come bursting in literal seconds after they had secured their hiding space. For ninth graders they were both still pretty small, although Naruto was still the smallest of all their friends, so fitting up in those tiny spaces wasn’t as hard as it looked.

  
  
Shino had brought them weed as a thank you for helping him with a project last week. He quickly excused himself for class after taking a single hit, sending them both a warning text a couple minutes later that the security guards knew something was going down. Of course it was Naruto’s idea to hide in the ceiling.

  
He left one of the panels just slightly open so he could see the security guards slamming each stall door open one by one. Shikamaru was making silent death threats to Naruto who could only do his hardest to stifle his laughter until tears began forming in the corner of his eyes. It took the security guards a moment before they left and even then the two teens waited before they dropped back down from the ceiling, bringing with them dust and debris.

  
  
“So obnoxious.” Shikamaru sighed, ruffling his hair clean.

  
  
“We did a pretty good job of avoiding them, huh?” Naruto said with a sly smile, swinging his arm around his friends neck.

  
Once maybe Shikamaru would have thrown Naruto off but at this point he had gotten used to the fact that the boy was very touchy. They walked out of the bathroom together, swaying a little and going much slower than normal, dilly-dallying to their next class. Their teacher never cared that they showed up late, or that they were obviously out of it, he always just scowled and told them to take a seat so they didn’t bother toning themselves down the way they would for other classes.

  
  
Naruto spotted Sasuke sitting in the middle with one open desk next to him. The two made eye contact through the glass slit in the classroom door and Naruto started making obscene gestures that got Sasuke to frown and look away.

  
“I don’t know why you keep pretending you guys get along.” Shikamaru said, ruffling through his backpack for air freshener and a snack as they continued to loiter in the hallway. “He pretty obviously doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

  
  
Naruto scoffed and rolled his eyes, leaning down to take a drink from the water fountain parallel to the door. He angled his head and as he did he caught sight of his tutor standing down the long end of the hallway with the most disappointed look on his face. Naruto immediately straightened up and gave Jiraiya the most awkward smile-wave combo he could muster. Shikamaru took one look at the beefy old man, went wide eyed and very quickly removed himself from the hallway and into his classroom.

  
  
“Naruto!” Jiraiya exclaimed, feigning surprise. “What a coincidence, I was just coming to pull you out of class.”

  
  
“Crazy.” Naruto laughed, scratching the back of his head.

  
Jiraiya slapped him on the back harder than necessary and led him down the hallway. They walked together through the empty halls and into the special ed department that sat at the far south end of the school near the football fields. It was convenient enough so that he could go from tutoring to annoying the coaches as soon as possible. He wanted to be apart of the real team so bad but the most he did was sneak into locker rooms and pretend like he was already on the team until hopefully one day the coaches would actually let him play. He would probably just always get benched anyways so it wasn’t like it mattered one way or another. Naruto threw his backpack onto the table and slumped into the uncomfortable blue plastic chairs, Jiraiya sitting across from him with his stupid clipboard. The younger pulled his books out of his bags and silently started on his homework hoping Jiraiya would just let him do his work in silence and not try to start any sort of conversation or run through any extra lessons. Naruto knew he needed the help and he was thankful for the extra time he got, knowing his regular teachers couldn’t or wouldn’t put the time in to make sure Naruto understood something everyone else did. Still, sometimes, especially recently, Naruto just wished the old man would let him do his work in peace.

  
“So.” Jiraiya started, his eyes cast down on his own papers. “How’s everything been going at home?”

  
  
Naruto felt his blood pressure start to rise. He clenched his fist around his pencil. He hated when the old man tried to pry into his home life. Naruto had changed foster homes again for the second time in a year, it was a stable year as far as he was concerned. His record was four times - but that was before he met Jiraiya. The old man had a weird effect on Naruto: he calmed him down, and as a consequence Naruto’s history of behavioral issues began to slow to a near stop. Maybe it was because he was one of the few people in his life that actively believed he could be worth something and didn’t belittle his dreams.

  
  
“It’s fine.” Naruto grumbled.

  
  
Jiraiya nodded. “They feeding you?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Good, good.” And awkward pause. “How’re your friends?”

  
“Fine.”

  
“Hanging our with that Nara kid a lot, eh?”

  
“Uh-huh.” Naruto leaned in closer to his paper until he was nearly nose to nose with the desk. “He’s nice.”

  
“That’s good.” Yet another extremely awkward and prolonged silence lingered between them. “You know you can always talk to me if something happens.”

  
“Yeah I know.”

  
The bell rang, thank god, interrupting Jiraiya before he could press any further. Naruto snatched his things up and bolted out of the room offering his tutor a huge smile and a polite wave as he vanished into the already crowded hallway on his way to lunch, slamming into people as he went. He joined Shikamaru at his locker and followed behind the slowly growing group of friends on their way to lunch. As it so often went Naruto was excluded from their socializing, even though he and Shikamaru were close even he wouldn’t stick up for Naruto when they were in bigger groups like this. When they reached the lunchroom there was no extra room at the table and Naruto was silently shunned to sit, alone, in the far corner at one of the round tables usually reserved for seniors. Luckily for Naruto most of them ate lunch on the patio.

  
He ate with his head down, only peeking up once in a while when people walked by, making sure he wasn’t in any danger of being beat up or mocked. He ate his microwave ramen uncooked, too nervous to go up to the microwave line and wait in front of everybody. The last time he did that he got boiling water splashed on him, and everyone in the hall laughed while the skin on his chest burned. He could handle eating raw ramen for another day.

  
“Are you seriously eating raw ramen?” Came a low and sadist sounding voice from above him. Standing at the other side of the table was stupid Sasuke, staring him down.

  
Naruto felt his gut twist. As much as he enjoyed teasing that idiot he hated being confronted by him because he was popular, and anything he did became gospel, especially amongst the girls who were sometimes crueler then the others. “Maybe I like it better this way.”  
  


Sasuke let out a small laugh under his breath and sat down across from him. Naruto felt a spike of fear in his chest.  
  


“What do you think you’re doing, idiot? This is my table.”

  
“Last time I checked it was a senior table.” Sasuke retorted, unpacking his very, very nice looking lunch. “You’re just sitting here because you don’t have anywhere else to go.”

  
“Yeah and what about you?” Naruto said, throwing a chunk of raw ramen at his unwelcome guest. “You can sit wherever you want, why here? I’m a looser don’t you know?”

“I know that.” Sasuke said matterafactly. “I hate sitting with all those kiss asses. They annoy me.”

Naruto stayed silent, peaking over Sasuke’s shoulder and seeing the girls table a couple rows over quite obviously fuming that Sasuke didn’t choose to sit with them, and even the table Naruto had just gotten booted from was sending the two short glances. Naruto felt his cheeks heat up. He couldn’t wait for the confrontational fallout of Sasuke’s table choice to bite his ass later - and it did, eventually. Even though Sasuke’s presence kept him from some cruel fate at lunch it only delayed the eventual. As he walked out of school that day Sakura and Ino came charging at him like bulls demanding to know what he had done and what Sasuke said and a whole lottery of other useless and pointless questions, buzzing around him and shoving him until he was saved by the grace of getting on the damned bus and both of them bugging off to bully each other instead of him. Sasuke, of course, sat at the back of the bus in the isle across from him and the two pretended not to notice each other until Naruto’s stop came and he ran off down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of his house. He crossed the street and almost got hit by a car and saw Sasuke eyeing him as he went.

  
For the past week Naruto got into a habit of never going home right after school. He preferred to sneak in through his bedroom window after dark when he knew everyone was asleep. There wasn’t anything particularly bad about these people, but they were one of those houses with a lot of foster kids and Naruto was the smallest so he often got tossed around by the others and forgotten by the parents. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, though, certainly not the worst he’d experienced, but he had learned at this point that the only person who would ever truly have his back was himself, so he liked to fly solo. Sometimes that included trying to find his own meals and stealing clothes from donation boxes. That was better than constantly getting left behind and having nothing. The things he did have he clung to and carried with him everyday, namely: a skateboard, a wallet shaped like a frog, a puffy jacket, and the backpack he was allowed to bring with him from home to home. 

  
He tossed his board to the ground and started rolling down the street. The bus he just got off came around and passed by him. He stuck his tongue out at it.

  
He arrived at the skatepark happy to see there weren't too many people there. He sat down at a bench under a lamppost looking over one of the bigger bowls. He rested his board over his legs and pulled some left over weed out of his backpack, rolling a spliff he intended in having for himself and no one else, however like it was inevitable one of the other skaters came up to Naruto’s side and flipped his board, greeting the younger with a nod and a lazy peace sign. The skate had long black hair tied into a low pony tail that rested over his back and stupid long side bangs. He wore a black adidas jacket and baggy black pants and he was covered in chains. He looked dirty. 

  
“That’s a nice board you got there.” He said, sitting next to him, drinking from a water bottle that had been sitting next to what Naruto assumed was his backpack.

Naruto’s board was a deep red with an angry red fox coiled over the center and black flame swirled around the edges and blocky white Japanese lettering across the whole thing. He smiled awkwardly at the older skater. He was quite a bit older if the lines on his face and the bags under his eyes where anything to go off.

  
“You’re here kind of late.” The man said.

  
Naruto immediately felt like running. He shouldn’t be in this situation. This was everything any adult had warning him about. He gripped his board and got ready to leave, tucking the spliff behind his ear.

  
“That sounded weird, sorry.” The man said, correcting himself. He leaned back in his seat. “I just meant I see you here a lot but you almost never skate.”

  
“I’m not actually that good at It.” Naruto admitted, swallowing hard.

  
“Well do you practice?”

  
“I usually skate home from school.”

  
“You ever dropped in?”

  
“I don’t know what that means.”

  
The man stood with his board to the edge of one of the bowl, placing the end of it on the edge. He motioned for Naruto join him. Cautiously he did. The man showed him how to set up his board and how to balance his feet carefully over the edge, how to shift his weight. The first time Naruto built up the courage, he immediately fell, skidding on his hands and watching as his board went on without him. The man caught it, rolling up next to Naruto. Naruto ducked his head and expected to be laughed at and ridiculed. Instead the man reached his hand out and offered to help Naruto off the ground; he took the hand, eyes wide. The man laughed but he also patted Naruto on the back and offered him his board back.

  
“Let’s try again.”

  
Naruto fell again. And again. And again. And again. But he got up every time and he pushed himself to do better with the strange mans encouragement. It was a few minutes after the sun went down. The sky still a dark blue, the lights over the park flicked on and the air became cold around them. Naruto stood over the bowl, looking down. He put his leading foot on the other edge of his board and leaned forward. He dropped in perfectly, sliding down the side of the wall and gliding along the smooth concrete. He laughed with joy, looking back at the man who was clapping for him. He dropped in and joined Naruto.

  
Naruto shared the rest of his spliff with the man. He looked down at his phone and stuttered.

  
“I have to get home.” He mumbled. “You should get home too.”

  
Naruto frowned, looking down to his feet.

  
“I wish I didn’t have to.”

  
The man stared down at him. He patted Naruto’s shoulder. “The park is always home. You just have to go back to wherever your bed is. Home is something you sometimes have to search for and it’s not always a house.”

  
Naruto gave him a little grin and watched him turn his back and walk away. He felt horrible watching the man go. He didn’t want him to go. He had encouraged Naruto to do better, he hadn’t mocked and gotten tired of him even though it took him so long to get it right. Jiraiya was the only other person who did that for him, and Jiraiya always told him not to let those kind of people go.

“My names Naruto!” He shouted at the mans back.

  
the man waved his hand behind him. “Itachi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to slow down boys


	4. The Lighting is Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hallucinations are only comforting when they are supposed to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is for the thirty people who care about this fic. we love introspection and self reflection. this fic is consuming so much of my time

Naruto was waiting for the bus under a neon sign for a Walgreens. He had just gotten fired from his job for showing up high.  
  
On the walk from the restaurant to his house he saw a homeless man sitting in the curb covered in a sleeping bag eating a sandwich. The man and Naruto made eye contact, his lips split over broken teeth, his beard quaking with cold. With his smile the sky opened by a lighting strike and released the late summer rain. In the bright lights of a passing car the mans eyes flashed brilliant, and in that flash Naruto swore it was Jiraiya sitting there, grinning at him, welcoming him over. But that wasn’t possible, not possible because Jiraiya was dead and Naruto was in hell and he was sure Jiraiya went to heaven.

  
Naruto ducked under the awning for a barber shop. The sun had gone down, the shop was closed, most of the shops up and down this road were closed except the bars and restaurants pushing through the lazy August nights. The only people who came up and down these street were the druggies and the homeless, especially at this hour. Naruto blended in.

  
He squatted down on the dirty pavement and pulled his backpack off his back. Inside he had a stash of weed and a couple of tabs that he had stolen from a house party over a week ago. In moments like now, when he found himself questioning what was real around him, stuck in the rain, jobless, hopeless, the anxiety of having to return to his foster home weighing heavy on his shoulders, he felt he had no choice. He needed this. He deserved it. If he was going to hallucinate he might as well go the whole way. Just lost his job, lost his only mentor only a month earlier - the only thing that helped him find the beauty in the things around him was this, stupid piece of paper. A piece of paper that reminded him that colors still existed, that light was warm and beautiful, that the earth around him was beating under his feet, that everyone deserved a second chance. Even him.

  
He placed the paper under his tongue.

  
Everyone at the bus stop was crowded under the rain cover. There was no room for him so he stood next to it, his hands in his pockets, leaning back on his heels, letting the rain soak him to the bone. The neon sign warmed him and the buzz sounded like birds. He had no idea how long he had been standing there.

  
He didn’t need to take the bus. He could walk home. The town was small, he could walk anywhere. But the bus sounded fun. He had never been on the bus before. He didn’t know where it would take him maybe it would take him far away from here, somewhere where nobody knew who he was and he could start new with new friends at a new high school. That was his second chance. He deserved that.

  
“Naruto?” A gruff and unpleasant voice came from his left belonging to a gruff and unpleasant person: Sasuke. He was wearing a long black coat and holding and umbrella over his head. “What are you doing?”

  
“Hi Sasuke.” Naruto didn’t know why he was being pleasant with a guy who had ghosted him all summer. “I’m waiting for the bus.”

  
“Don’t you live in the opposite direction?” Sasuke asked.

  
Naruto looked up at the bus stop sign and the crosswalk sign. He couldn’t read either. Everything was fish-eyed and melting, words floated around and popped like bubbles. Sasuke stood very still and unbothered by the colors and shapes swirling around him. He refused to be bent by a piece of paper.

  
“Why are you waiting at the bus stop?” Sasuke pushed.

  
“Getting out of the rain.” Naruto lied.

  
“You’re soaked.” Sasuke commented.

  
Naruto looked down at his feet. It was raining oil, iridescent type like rainbows but thick, heavy, and stinky. He plopped his feet in the puddle growing around him. The bright orange of his Nike jacket was bleeding off him. But very suddenly the rain stopped, the color stopped leaving him and just mingled around at half power, moving and morphing like it had life. Naruto looked up and saw bright blue morning sky with a few small clouds rolling by. Sasuke had just stepped closer and covered Naruto with half his umbrella. Sasuke, beneath the oil he was filled with - the black, sticky type that consumed and destroyed - he was considerate and kind. He wanted to help. Naruto knew that. A lot of people didn't believe Sasuke was a very good guy, including Sasuke, but Naruto did, he always would.

  
“You don’t have to.” Naruto said. Sasuke was slightly shorted then Naruto but not by a lot. It seemed he was bouncing slightly and the tips of his spiky hair were flailing and Naruto found it insanely entertaining. Naruto couldn't believe Sasuke had found him, now, of all times, when he needed him close. What was he doing in this part of town, so close to where Naruto used to work? 

  
“Your clearly high on something.” Sasuke said, sounding like he was on the verge of committing murder. “I can’t just leave you out here in the rain.”

  
“Yeah. Ok.” Naruto said, and without hesitation started walking beside Sasuke when he led them away from the bus stop.

  
The neon sign fading in the distance felt like leaving an old friend behind. The moment they turned a corner down a dimly lit side street filled with apartment and houses and not a single obnoxiously bright sign or dirty sidewalk and gross store front and lines of homeless people Naruto felt more out of place than he ever had. It was a terrible uncomfortable feeling that started over the broad of his shoulder blades and traveled onto the back of his neck and into his throat. He felt like choking. He didn’t belong here.

  
Sasuke was trying hard not to be irritated by how slow Naruto was walking. He just tried to push past it. He knew yelling and getting upset wouldn’t do anybody any favors but damn was that idiot going slow. His arm was starting to hurt from holding the umbrella out.

  
He couldn’t hold it in. “The damn least you could do when I’m holding the umbrella for you is to walk at a regular pace.” 

  
Naruto stopped. The rain had slowed to a slow dribble. Sasuke kept walking with the umbrella but stopped when Naruto no longer fell in step behind him. He let the umbrella fall to his side. The two stood a few feet away from each other just staring, waiting for the other to make the first move. Naruto really looked at Sasuke now, like he was a foreign man. He looked older than he should have, his eyes sadder, empty. Normally, Sasuke glowed a dark purple. Most people would think it was black, but Naruto saw it for its truth - a deep purple. It was his favorite color the way orange was Naruto’s. He always glowed purple when Naruto was tripping, no matter the circumstance, he always admired Sasuke for his consistency. But now, Sasuke was red. The rim around the black shadow that made up his body supporting a single floating head was tinted with red like brimstone. His eyes screamed blood, murder, anger. Naruto didn’t want to look in his eyes but he had no choice, he just kept staring and staring until Sasuke’s eyes started to wilt and melt into black and red swirls that spiraled and knotted.

  
“Why haven’t we seen each other all summer?” Naruto asked.

  
Sasuke stiffed, turning his face away.

  
“We won our first championship together and you spent all spring right by my side.” Naruto was balancing between sounding offended and angry. “And then summer starts and suddenly it’s like we don’t even know each other. I see you at the store and you ignore me. I see you at the skate park and you don’t even fucking skate you just stand there like you’re trying to make a point to pretend I don’t exist.”

  
Sasuke blinked, swiveling his head. “It’s because we’re too close, Naruto.”

  
Naruto took a step back. The world was cold and perfect around them. It smelled like honey and sweet rain and like all things pure and sweet, yet between them all things rotted and soiled away. They could poison the whole block if they tried.

  
“You even started coming over to my fucking house and talking to my brother.” Sasuke spat, like it was the worst possible thing on the planet Naruto could do to try and be friends with him. “You just invited yourself in. I don’t need friends, most importantly I don’t want them. Ever since my parents died you’ve been all in my business.”

  
“Yeah because I understood how you felt!” Naruto screamed. Sasuke’s parents had died a long time ago from now. They were supposed to be juniors next year and Sasuke’s parents had been killed the summer before sixth grade. Naruto saw Sasuke as the only person in his whole world who understood him. But at the same time he was untouchable. “Why the fuck won’t you let anyone even try to be close to you? What’s the big deal anyways, why would you want to make yourself alone?”

  
“You don’t understand how I feel! You’re the last person who would understand!” Sasuke threw his umbrella to the ground. “You don’t know what it’s like to loose someone you’ve never even had a family in the first place!”

  
Naruto fell silent. The feeling that sparked in his gut was like he had been shot multiple times, he could almost feel the blood gathering behind his clothes. Rats started to scram in between his feet at the sidewalk and some woman was screaming bloody murder somewhere in the neighborhood and she just kept getting closer and closer and closer and there was a dark shadow gathering behind Sasuke that was bigger than both of them and it had huge red eyes that bore into Naruto and tried to burn him he could feel his skin catch fire and sizzle. He had to look away but when he did he just saw those rats again dancing at his feet. The puddle of water in front of him turned to blood and started to boil and bubble. The world around him was dissolving into chaos and he couldn’t stop it no matter how hard he tried. Rats, blood, pain, shadows, fire, flesh. He squatted down and closed his eyes, plugging his ears and covering himself with his arms. His jacket shuffled with the movements but to him it sounded like nails on a chalk board and he let out a pathetic and involuntary groan.

  
Naruto felt a hand on his shoulder. He dared to look up. That shadow was hovering over him now with its claws extended into his shoulder digging in, its red eyes swirled. He screamed and pushed it away, falling into his ass and scrambling away on his hands and knees, wailing and screeching. He collapsed onto his side and covered his head again.

  
“Naruto calm down it’s me.” _Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke_. “Calm down it’s not real.”

  
Naruto reached out a hand and begged for it to be taken, shaking. Sasuke looked at it and felt his heart stutter. Even after insulting him to the highest degree Naruto still reached out for him. He hesitated, but Sasuke took the hand. As soon as skin made skin Naruto pulled the hand close to his chest and cuddled it.

  
“I just wanted to know someone else felt as lonely as I did.” Naruto whispered. “I didn’t want you to be lonely like I was.”

  
“Moron.” Sasuke muttered. “Did you ever think I wanted to be alone?”

  
Naruto shook his head in denial. “No one wants loneliness. Why would you have spent all that time with me if you wanted to be lonely. I saw you smile at my jokes at least once.”

  
Sasuke paused. Naruto was shaking so badly it was hard for him to not to start shaking too. “Maybe once.”

  
Naruto sat up. His face was red and puffy, his eyes drooping so low he didn’t look aware of his surroundings. He probably wasn’t. Sasuke carried that shadow with him but it had backed off, slinking around in the background, Naruto could see it watching them. Maybe it was always there, just waiting for the opportunity to pounce. It had almost had it too, if Sasuke hadn't taken Naruto's hand and accepted the gesture of kindness he was so sure that the shadow would have taken that opportunity to kill him for good. Everything in his body hurt so bad, except for his hand, that was connected to Sasuke. That was what he needed. He needed a friend, he needed stability. Sasuke needed it too, and he would do anything he needed to do to get him to see how beautiful and warm life could be with a friend at his side. The shadow wouldn't even try to get close now. Naruto felt like he could live through the night again. 

  
“Let’s walk home.” Sasuke offered, pulling Naruto up off the ground.

  
Naruto vehemently refused to stop holding Sasuke’s hand but Sasuke argued back that he didn’t want to hold his damn hand anymore so they settled on locking two fingers together and walking shoulder to shoulder. Naruto had to lean heavily on Sasuke in order to stay straight and Sasuke was pretty sure Naruto was walking with his eyes closed and just having pure faith that Sasuke wouldn't lead him the wrong way. It felt weird for him to trust Sasuke so much despite everything, Sasuke felt like he was missing something in this picture. He found Naruto to be an odd puzzle he had a very hard time figuring out. They walked in silence, down broken sidewalks and under passing orange street lamps. Sasuke may have pretended not to know where Naruto’s most recent foster home was but in reality it knew exactly where it was, he always knew.

  
They came up on the tall apartment complex and Naruto started getting fussy.

  
“Can we take the fire escape?” He slurred.

  
“Are you fucking serious? No.” Sasuke hissed back but Naruto refuse to move any further. “You can’t even walk how’re you gonna climb the damn fire escape?”

  
“Please. They can’t know.” _T_ _hey_ being his newest foster parents.

  
Sasuke sighed and clenched his teeth, eventually yielding. He had a hard time keeping track of how many times Naruto got moved around, all he knew was that it was a lot, although as he got older it seemed to slow down. Naruto claimed he was too much trouble for people to take care of for too long. They went around the back and Naruto switched into autopilot so quickly it was scary. He jumped to pull down the ladder and started his trek to the forth floor, waving Sasuke up behind him. Each step he took was calculated and practiced. Naruto had probably taken the fire escape smashed halfway to hell and high out of mind. Sasuke shouldn't have been that surprised, maybe he really had checked out of Naruto's life for too long.

  
Naruto opened his bedroom window and flopped inside, standing to help Sasuke through when he held up his hand, his ear trained to the door. He gave Sasuke panicked hand signals and mouthed for him to get down while he slammed the window in his face.

  
Sasuke ducked beneath the sight of the window and waited. He could hear talking inside an a bit of scuffling and the door slamming. He waited longer and eventually Naruto came back and opened the window, hugging his arm, looking pathetic. The two stood facing each other from either side of the window.

  
“Should I leave?” Sasuke asked, hoping Naruto would say yes.

  
He shook his head and walked towards his bed, leaving Sasuke to climb in by himself. Awkwardly, he did. He stood there, unsure of what to do. This iteration of Naruto’s room didn’t look like it even belonged to a person. His bed was a futon pushed up against the wall. His walls were eggshell white, the ceiling was slightly slanted, and it was horribly small. Characteristic to Naruto, though, it was filthy; clothes and shoes on the floor, his bag thrown against his bed, papers and school work was thrown haphazardly in a corner for the summer. Everything was dusty and felt like it hadn’t been moved, touched, or cleaned in decades.

  
“I just don’t understand, Sasuke.” Naruto said under his breath. “I don’t understand why you aren’t happy. What am I doing wrong?”

  
Sasuke didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He felt like he couldn’t breath, couldn’t move. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not now, not at all. but inevitable was pushing him for it. “I don’t want you to make me happy, that’s not your job. I just want to be left alone.”

  
Naruto nodded. His hands were folded in his lap and his knees pushed together, slumped over. He grabbed his backpack off the floor and ruffled through it. He pulled out a small pipe and a baggie of weed. He raised it to Sasuke. “Would this make you happy?”

  
Sasuke swatched Naruto as he packed a bowl, watching his toned hands cuffed and covered in calluses doing such a delicate job. He offered Sasuke the first hit. Sasuke considered his options: he could go home, to an empty black apartment and stare at his wall alone and cold, or he could take free drugs from Naruto. He took the pipe, inhaling enough to make him cough. Naruto took it back toking a long inhale that snapped the remains. He fell back onto his bed, the pipe and lighter rolling out of his hands. He curled up on the bed, pulling his knees to his chest and turning to his back. Sasuke sat, staring forward at Naruto’s white walls as the lights from the outside, orange and blue and white, flower in delicate patterns, flashing and glowing, twisting and glaring. He felt so peaceful, like he was trapped in an annoying indie song about love. He hated the feeling, but his skin was so warm and he felt so calm. He laid down on Naruto’s bed, pressing their backs together so he could feel the other breath. A long wind brushed aside the pale curtains over the single window, like the rain was taking its' final bow. It was so cold.

  
“Do you really not care about me at all?”

  
Sasuke closed his eyes, feeling the room shake, or maybe it was him, or maybe it was Naruto. But it shook, and he hated it.

  
“I haven’t decided yet.”

  
Naruto tilted his neck back placed his head on the back of Sasuke’s shoulder. “I can live with that.”

  
Once he was sure Naruto fell asleep Sasuke rolled out of bed and slipped out the window. He closed it behind him, as quietly as he could. He slipped going down the fire escape and cursed Naruto for forcing him to have to deal with it. It had stopped raining completely, the sky splitting open for the stars. He walked home in silence. His skin got colder and colder the further away he got from Naruto. His chest still glowed from the weed. As he retraced his steps he came to the place were he and Naruto had yelled at each other. The umbrella was lying still open in the grass between the sidewalk and the street. As he bent down to pick it up the street light watching over him flickered and went out. His heart sped up. Trying not to seem paranoid he did a slow turn around, checking all angles around him. He felt like he was being watched, stalked, something - it felt like every shadow was alive and skittering around him, avoiding his eye perfectly. He took a few deep breaths in and manned up enough to start walking, although, and he would never admit it, he walked a little faster. The feeling of being watched turned into the feeling of being chased and it followed him all the way home, even until he opened and closed his door behind him. The world was still.  
  


His bedroom was a mess. It looked lived in, but it was dusty and dirty and clothes were thrown all over the floor. Books he had been reading were left half open and trashed on his desk and floor. He sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. How difficult it had been to be alone for so long didn't hit him until this very moment. Of course he had never been fully alone, he had been hanging out with other kids from different schools but that was because none of them gave a single shit about him or his wellbeing and he liked that because it meant he got to be fully reckless with little to no consequences or belittling like he could get from Naruto. 

He did the things Naruto was doing to himself now. But Naruto did them alone. Naruto had people around him but did they care? Was that why the stupid blonde was so fixated on him, because he pretended to care? Because he did the decent thing and walked him home? Now that he sat down and thought about it nobody at school cared about Naruto when he wasn't useful in games. He had seen Sakura egg him into drinking when he didn't want to, seen Shikamaru leave him on street corners drunk, once Kiba talked him into going to a party and leaving Sasuke's house just so that he could use him in a beer pong game and then abandon him with no ride. Sasuke may have separated himself from everyone he knew because he wanted to be in isolation, because he wanted the freedom from the pressure of being perfect and holding his entire household up while Itachi was gone, but Naruto didn't even need to remove himself from the environment that raised him in order to be left behind. He pushed, but it was like it was inevitable that he got used for his alcohol tolerance or not used at all. 

They were just two people, one yearning for loneliness, the other desperate to be seen - but ultimately they were chasing one illusive rabbit. 

Maybe they were more similar than Sasuke wanted to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im. aware. of how long the chapters are. but i dig it so we're sticking with it.


End file.
